How would you like a “Once Upon a Time” Theme Park?


Written by Ro and one Photo Op joke by Jeff.

Well Oncers we are back. Now that the season is over, let’s use our imagination to take us to a place that is full of fantasy, romance, and magic. Let’s visit Oncerland.
Read on and take this imaginary journey with me and don’t be afraid to add some other rides in the comments section.

The day has finally come and you are proud to say that you have earned every bit of the two week vacation that is coming to you because you know that you are going to Oncerland!
Included in your suitcase are;
1. Seasons 1-3 DVD/Blu Rays
2. Your favorite red lipstick (channeling your inner diva like Regina)
3. Snow White’s effortless day attire
4. Your red leather jacket
5. Tall boots
6. and finally black eyeliner

You close your suitcase and you are now ready to go. Of course you have rented a Cadillac so you drive like the original pimp with a limp.
Once you arrive in the park you immediately walk through the purple smoke machine and stop by the hot cocoa and cinnamon stick stand. After you finish your cocoa you visit a gift stand where you bypass the light up magic wands and purchase a Storybrooke “Once Upon A Time” photo album. Now you are ready to head for the rides.

You decide to work your way up to the most exciting rides so you choose to get on the chipped teacups. The chipped teacup spends you around through an obstacle course of brooms and buckets that are magically cleaning rumple’s office.


That was fun so next you head to the Volkswagen beetle racetrack. This is a race car track where you have to avoid popups of wolves and Storybrooke signs.

Next, you go to the Mad Hatter fun house. Once you enter the house you become extremely big and begin crouching to explore the house. Halfway through you become extremely small and finally at the end you meet Jefferson who you are happy to snap a picture with to add to your complimentary storybook.

Next you travel down Main Street where you walk into Geppetto’s Gift Shop. Then you hear the clock chime it is time for the town hall meeting.

You walk swiftly to the town hall where you take a seat in the back and wait for the show to happen. Emma and Regina battle it out and everyone Ooos and Awwws and of course you snap lots of pictures.

Next you walk to Mayor Mills Mansion for a tour hosted by Sidney Glass himself. At the end you are offered the opportunity to purchase all types of red apples and apple turnovers. You decide against them and participate in the non-poisonous apple eating contest. You lose, but you are happy because Prince Charming is there to make sure that any participants that happen to fall asleep are ok. You snap a picture with Charming before he runs off to meet Snow White for a picnic lunch near the troll bridge.

You decide you should have more than apples for lunch so you stop at Granny’s for lunch. Ruby is appropriately dressed because she is post curse and you order a burger and a root beer Afterwards you walk towards the back and take pictures with Granny’s crossbow.


Next you head to the laser tag dome called Dragon Destruction. Once inside you receive your gear and preview the scene from the show where Regina gives Emma instructions. You board the rickety Storybrooke Library elevator down to the basement and use your laser device to avoid the dragon’s fire, fall down the deep pits and at the right moment fire the laser sword into the dragon’s heart to retrieve the True Love potion.

Afterwards you decide to walk to Gold’s shop where you buy a pair of Emma’s glasses and head for tea with Mrs. Gold herself in the back of the shop. Of course you drink out of chipped tea cups as she tells you the story of their love. You snap a picture of Belle as you head to the Enchanted Forest.

Once in the enchanted forest you stand in line for nearly two hours to meet Rumplestilskin as you walk through his estate. Once you encounter him he asks “What would you like to know, Dearie?” and you ask “When does Season 4 start?” he replies “You will just have to wait for the writers of the book to reveal the mystery to all. Have a good day Dearie”. Mesmerized, you are escorted by a trained handler to stand and snap a picture with Rumple where you both smile. You are led into another room where you find out that this picture costs $20. Magic and photo ops come with a price, Dearie.

So… now you are tired and broke, but you enjoyed your day in Oncerland. You can’t wait to come back tomorrow.

What other rides or attractions would you include? Please be kind and family friendly. Thanks.

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